Finding Home
by Kiterie
Summary: Home means different things to different people and some people change what it means


Title: Finding Home  
Pairing: KakaIru  
Summary: Home means different things to different people and some people change what it means  
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously it's not canonly yaoi.  
Dedicated to: Seiizuki  
A/N: I have owed this to her for awhile now and I had it started forever ago but never got past the first few paragraphs. So since I'm doing A YOUTHFUL CHALLENGE with Jofelly I thought I'd get it kicked out like a good girl.

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_"Who are you under that mask? Do you even know?" Iruka had frowned and shook his head at him. "Kakashi..." The chunin had looked up at him then, his eyes full of emotion he couldn't name._

Kakashi had opened his mouth to argue that he knew perfectly well who he was and then... nothing. He stepped back, his gaze dropping to the floor.

Iruka's response to the retreat was to grab his hand and pull him forward again. "I love you, Kakashi. I love all the little things that are a part of you whether they're echos from your past or shadows of your regrets or just you, but..." Iruka sighed and shook his head.

"But you won't move in with me and I can't move in with you until..." Even the thought of not wearing the mask with someone else around caused him panic.

"I want to. I want you here when I wake up every day for the rest of our lives however long or short they may be." Iruka's tone was sad but it didn't waiver even the slightest. "You need a place you can go that you can relax and not worry about anything and if you can't take off your mask in your own home then how can it be home. I'm not asking, I'm not pushing, but I think you're more afraid of what's under that mask than you are of anything else. 

Kakashi stared at the lines of text on the paper, not actually seeing them. His chest ached and his head didn't feel much better. In the two weeks since he'd ask Iruka to move in and been rejected it'd been that way. When he came home from missions he couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time, it was easier for him to sleep on the missions lately and that bothered him. He didn't even want to be there and spent most of his time outside or away on missions. Here... in the quiet of his own home he couldn't think anymore. Setting the book down, Kakashi dragged himself off of the couch. He had to fix it.

The distance between his and Iruka's apartments was only a couple of blocks and he covered it faster than usual. The need to be there, to be with Iruka was overwhelming. Kakashi had kept away from Iruka since their conversation because he'd needed to think. At first he'd thought he'd be able to find a way to convince Iruka to just change his mind and not worry about the mask but he'd realized that wasn't very likely.

For a change he knocked on the door instead of going through a window. It was deliberate but he needed Iruka to understand that things were different right then.

The sound of feet shuffling and a slightly muffled 'coming' came from inside the apartment. After a few moments of the handle jiggling the door opened and Iruka blinked at him. "Kakashi-" Iruka yawned and rubbed his face. "-what are you doing here?"

He resisted the urge to just walk in. On a certain level he was nervous but the need to near Iruka was keeping it at bay. "Can I come in?"

Iruka nodded and moved to the side. "Yeah, of course. Sorry, Kakashi, it's late. I'm not really awake."

Kakashi stepped inside, slid his shoes off then giving up on his earlier ideas of restraint he wrapped his arms around Iruka who returned the gesture. He buried his face against Iruka's neck and breathed in the smell of clean skin and hair that was still damp from a shower. Tension drained from his shoulders and he rubbed his face against the long brown hair and tan skin, planting light kisses as he did. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Iruka murmured drowsily. "I wasn't sure you'd come back after..."

"I needed to think, figure things out," Kakashi explained, not pulling away. He wasn't ready to let Iruka go, just being away for two weeks when he could have seen him had been hard. It was always hard to be away from Iruka, missions or not. "I will _always_ come back to you."

Tightening his arms around Kakashi, Iruka 'hmmed', the sound a happy one. "Good."

It was several minutes before Kakashi could force himself to pull back. "Let's sit down. We need to talk." He slid his hand into Iruka's and pulled him towards the couch that sat in the middle of the small living room. Sitting, he pulled Iruka down with him. "You meant it when you said you wanted to move in with me and you would if I'd take my mask off for you?"

Iruka stared at him with wide eyes for a moment, his jaw agape. " Yes, but I meant it too that I wasn't trying to push you, Kakashi. You don't have to-"

"Hush, Iruka," Kakashi cut in. "You were right but you were wrong too. Yes, it bothers me and yes, I understand what you meant about needing a place I can relax. I can't do that though. The last two weeks proved that. It's not home anymore, I'm there and nothing's changed except that it has." He smiled, anxiety pulling the muscles in his shoulder taut. "It'll take time for me to get used to it but I want to do this so please just let me."

The scar on Iruka's cheeks darkened as the blush lit his face. "Okay."

Kakashi closed his eyes then reached up and pulled the mask down. It didn't bother him as much as he'd thought it would. His chest didn't hurt anymore either which was a vast improvement over the last two weeks. Swallowing hard he opened his eyes. "I know who I am."

Iruka's eyes were sliding over his face then darting back up to his eyes before sliding away again. "I... uhm... Sorry I shouldn't have said you didn't."

"I thought I told you to stop talking." He shook his head and sighed. "I said you were right and I meant it. I was hiding from myself because I was afraid. I thought I'd repeat my father's mistakes. I'm not him but I was terrified of becoming him. Then I'd thought I'd failed him and everyone else and I'm still not sure that's not true. I thought I was living for them but those things I've done so they could live on-" his voice caught slightly,"-those are me too. I know you know that but I didn't. Somehow I thought I'd disappeared and been replaced by reflections of who they were and maybe for awhile even that was true." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "It's not now though. They didn't know you so they couldn't have loved you and I do. You make it so I'm not just hiding behind my fears Iruka. I don't know yet what else is under here but whatever it is I promise I won't hide it from you."

Iruka sniffled and wiped at his eyes. "Thank you, Kakashi."

"You _were_ wrong too though. Being able to take this off isn't what makes someplace home." He rubbed his fingers across the back of Iruka's hand. "Home has always been about who's there waiting. It's who you're returning to. My apartment was never home, Konoha was, the dead were, but you _are_. I'm home when I'm with you."

Throwing his arms around Kakashi, Iruka kissed him then leaned against him. "That's all I could ever want from or for you Kakashi."

Kakashi smiled and leaned into the embrace. It really didn't matter where they lived, he meant it, Iruka was home.


End file.
